Turning 25 last year was HARD. From the moment 2020 started and I realized that I would be turning a quarter of a century-old I was freaking out. Now I know that it’s only 25 and I’m still young, and the list could go on about why turning 25 shouldn’t have bothered me. However, I had to grow up fast since I had a baby at 17. I didn’t know it, but I subconsciously made a timeline for my life, and I then realized I was nowhere near where I wanted to be. I wasn’t married, I’ve never been in any type of real decent relationship where the feelings are mutual. I wasn’t using my degree. I wasn’t doing anything I love. I felt like I had accomplished nothing in life, and I felt like I had no purpose.
Long story short I started to spiral into the deepest depression I had ever been in. I tried to get ahead of it and tell those closest to me, but it was treated more like I was whining. They didn’t understand, I was overreacting, life wasn’t that awful. . .in their eyes. I felt invalidated. I felt alone. I was then questioning God and my very existence.
I got counseling, I read all the books, I stayed connected to groups that I thought were more supportive of me, I stopped talking to friends and family, but I wasn’t feeling any better. I started being really snappy with people that came into my job when normally I know to hold my tongue. It was seriously a miserable time for me.
Eventually, I got through it by learning to forgive not only those that hurt me but also myself. It’s also still a work in progress. I still have hard days.
The beginning of 2021 seemed to start well. I was determined not to go back down that rabbit hole. I know who I am, I know what I want in life, I know what I deserve, and nothing is going to stop me from being the best version of me. I started hanging out with friends again. I went on trips! I graduated with my Master’s! I started a business! I am pretty darn happy too.
Then life hit again . . .I was in 2 car accidents within 3 weeks which resulted in both of those vehicles being totaled. So now I have a fear of cars and I’m in constant pain. But God is good and is still working things out for my good.
As for the things I learned in Year 25:
- Learn to do things on your own.
- It’s okay to fail, it’s how you get back up that matters most
- It’s okay to find different groups of friends
- You only have one life so live it the way you want (Within means)
- I need to have boundaries EVERYWHERE (friends, family, work, relationships)
- Life is full of many inconveniences, and I need to get over it
- I have a purpose . . .everyone does
- Family is the most important thing to me
- I haven’t loved myself in a while and I need to get to know her again
- Discissions, I have made in the past have made me stronger in the long run
- I don’t have to prove myself to anyone
- Everyone has a different perception of me, and I must learn that I can’t please everyone
- Everyone is going through something, I’m not alone
- Be nice on purpose because it can cheer me up too
- If someone’s name pops in my head it’s for good reason, so reach out
- I am enough
- My past doesn’t define me
- I have grown a lot and I will continue to; this isn’t the end.
- I can only control my actions
- I can still move forward in life without an apology, it’s just hard
- Never give up on my dreams because of other people’s opinions or things get hard
- I can live the life I want for myself now, no matter my life circumstances
- Forgiving people doesn’t mean that I am saying what was done is okay behavior. Forgiving is for my benefit.
- God is always working things out for my good even when I don’t think he is
- I can choose to be happy daily
That’s just how year 25 went. Year 26 is already starting so much better. I can’t wait for what comes next!