Year 25

Turning 25 last year was HARD. From the moment 2020 started and I realized that I would be turning a quarter of a century-old I was freaking out. Now I know that it’s only 25 and I’m still young, and the list could go on about why turning 25 shouldn’t have bothered me. However, I had to grow up fast since I had a baby at 17. I didn’t know it, but I subconsciously made a timeline for my life, and I then realized I was nowhere near where I wanted to be. I wasn’t married, I’ve never been in any type of real decent relationship where the feelings are mutual. I wasn’t using my degree. I wasn’t doing anything I love. I felt like I had accomplished nothing in life, and I felt like I had no purpose.

Long story short I started to spiral into the deepest depression I had ever been in. I tried to get ahead of it and tell those closest to me, but it was treated more like I was whining. They didn’t understand, I was overreacting, life wasn’t that awful. . .in their eyes. I felt invalidated. I felt alone. I was then questioning God and my very existence.

I got counseling, I read all the books, I stayed connected to groups that I thought were more supportive of me, I stopped talking to friends and family, but I wasn’t feeling any better. I started being really snappy with people that came into my job when normally I know to hold my tongue. It was seriously a miserable time for me.

Eventually, I got through it by learning to forgive not only those that hurt me but also myself. It’s also still a work in progress. I still have hard days.

The beginning of 2021 seemed to start well. I was determined not to go back down that rabbit hole. I know who I am, I know what I want in life, I know what I deserve, and nothing is going to stop me from being the best version of me. I started hanging out with friends again. I went on trips! I graduated with my Master’s! I started a business! I am pretty darn happy too.

Then life hit again . . .I was in 2 car accidents within 3 weeks which resulted in both of those vehicles being totaled. So now I have a fear of cars and I’m in constant pain. But God is good and is still working things out for my good.

As for the things I learned in Year 25:

1. Learn to do things on your own.
2. It’s okay to fail, it’s how you get back up that matters most
3. It’s okay to find different groups of friends
4. You only have one life so live it the way you want (Within means)
5. I need to have boundaries EVERYWHERE (friends, family, work, relationships)
6. Life is full of many inconveniences, and I need to get over it
7. I have a purpose . . .everyone does
8. Family is the most important thing to me
9. I haven’t loved myself in a while and I need to get to know her again
10. Discissions, I have made in the past have made me stronger in the long run
11. I don’t have to prove myself to anyone
12. Everyone has a different perception of me, and I must learn that I can’t please everyone
13. Everyone is going through something, I’m not alone
14. Be nice on purpose because it can cheer me up too
15. If someone’s name pops in my head it’s for good reason, so reach out
16. I am enough
17. My past doesn’t define me
18. I have grown a lot and I will continue to; this isn’t the end.
19. I can only control my actions
20. I can still move forward in life without an apology, it’s just hard
21. Never give up on my dreams because of other people’s opinions or things get hard
22. I can live the life I want for myself now, no matter my life circumstances
23. Forgiving people doesn’t mean that I am saying what was done is okay behavior. Forgiving is for my benefit.
24. God is always working things out for my good even when I don’t think he is
25. I can choose to be happy daily

 That’s just how year 25 went. Year 26 is already starting so much better. I can’t wait for what comes next!