Recently I started a new job which requires a longer drive time than what I am used to. No big deal, right?
Right! Because this particular job is something I have been trying to get into for years. I think it is safe to say that this is my dream job. I’ve worked very long and very hard to get to where I am today. I am finally living in some long-awaited answered prayers. I am finally using both of my degrees in the things I intended to use them for. To fulfill what I believe to be my purpose here on Earth. I have my dream job with my undergrad and my business I run under my Masters. I am really, truly in bliss right now.
The only thing that has been having me question where I am, is the fact that my new job is an hour away from home. Meaning, I need to get on the interstate to make it to work. The only issue with that is that I hadn’t been on the interstate since the accident I had in May.
I once called myself a “Whipper” on the road. I loved driving; I love traveling. I had no issues working a long day, and then hopping in a car to drive hours to another city. When the accident happened, I lost all confidence in my driving skills and capability to stay out of an accident. I flinch if someone is getting over into the median to come into the lane. I tense up, almost preparing to get hit again when someone that’s behind me gets too close to my car. I am constantly eyeballing the tires of the cars next to me to make sure they aren’t coming over the line into my lane. I have a fear of dying in a violent car accident. I have a fear of dying period now.
Of course, I could take back roads to my job. However, it adds so much unnecessary time to the trip. Or the roads would go over a bridge that was over water and has little to no railing on the sides. You know, say I get hit again and get knocked over. The roads are also super narrow and the majority of the time it’s only one lane in each direction. Meaning, I am now super close to other cars that could hit me head-on say they are speeding, and look down for a split second. It’s just too much of a risk. I was almost in tears when I took that route the first day.
So I sucked it up. I got on the interstate for the first time again on July 31st. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. I was surprisingly more comfortable on the interstate than I was on the backroad. Every day has been a little different emotionally. It has taken 3 weeks for me to fully get on the interstate each day and be comfortable with it being my only way to commute to and from work. Up until last Monday, I was still looking for alternative routes and looking up different rideshare options.
I honestly don’t know what change expect for pure prayer every time I get in the car. The other two things that I have found helpful are making sure the music is set for only the stuff I feel like hearing that day and gum. Both keep my mind in other places. They’ve helped me by calming my nerves so that I’m not as jumpy. I still have a close eye on everyone’s tires, which I think is a new way I feel safest. I also started singing in the car again. I think I am slowly getting back to
being comfortable driving again. It’s a slow process. I love my new job and I don’t want to give it up. I worked so hard to get here and I don’t believe God would have opened this door at the time that he did if it wasn’t for good reason or specifically for me. This new job has been the only reason I have faced this fear. I am super proud of myself so far. This is only the beginning of the new journey. I’m excited to see where all of this will lead me.
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