“Life is short”. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard that phrase and even said it myself to be honest. I know life is short. I think everyone in a way has some idea of what that phrase means to them. I believe we all subconsciously live our lives based on our personal views on what we should value in such a short life. The idea of life being short has been at the forefront of my mind for months now. I spent the better portion of 2020 in a depression that I didn’t think I would ever go to. I’ll talk more about it another time. At some point in the midst of that, I decided that life is indeed short, and I was going to do all the things that made me happy.
In the past, I have been told that I basically overthink things, take things too seriously, and am for the lack of words, stuffy. To me, I have just been a planner, and more cautious about the things that I do. In reality, I’m a control freak. I have to feel as if I am in control of every aspect of my life. To be honest, it’s probably because of my past experiences and trauma that I don’t wish to go through ever again. I swear I’m a fun person to be around though! Just hear me out with this.
Me trying to have control of everything and everyone around me has driven me crazy. I realized that and I told myself, “life is too short to not be enjoying it the way I want”. If I don’t have control of the things around me, I can control myself. Right? I know what I like and what would make me feel better and happy and get me back to enjoying this short life. I committed myself that I was going to do whatever makes me happy at the moment. No questions asked. I am going to live my life and have fun doing it. I can still plan for things though; I just don’t have to overthink it. I stated I was going to be selfless with how I spend my time and energy.
That was my view on the phrase “life is short”. Prior to May 22nd, 2021.
In my last post, I mentioned how the last few months have been full of inconveniences when it came to me trying to plan things out with starting my business. I hit roadblock after roadblock. The whole time I did think that maybe all of these things happening to further delay what I am trying to do means that I need to take a minute and slow down. I started to feel that unpleasant feeling that I couldn’t get a grip on my own life- That’s the control thing that I’ve been working on. I told myself, “Okay, I’ll go slow and take my time”. I wasn’t going to allow myself to get worked up or upset again. Me being able to hold myself together and not freak out most days was my idea of releasing that control. That was me “slowing down”.
Saturday, May 22nd, 2021 was a normal fully booked and planned out (control again) day full of things to do. Everything was going smoothly for the first time in months and there were no inconveniences, so I thought. We started to head off to Nashville for some fun at Dave and Buster’s with the kids to celebrate my godson graduating pre-k. We got on the interstate with me trailing behind my friend with no real issues. I was driving behind her and as we got on a U-Haul slowed down enough and then moved into the left lane so that I could get on properly. Within 5 minutes of getting on the interstate, that same U-Haul ended up coming back over on top of me resulting in my car flipping with myself, my sister, and my son inside.
Talk about being slowed down.
We are blessed to have walked away with only some starches and bruises It happened quickly but felt like forever. I have replayed the train of events multiple times in my head over and over. I can’t go through all of the thoughts and emotions that went through me within that time in one post. It was a lot. Besides blaming myself for the accident and trying to rack my brain on how I could have tried preventing the accident from happening in the first place, my only other thought was . . . “What’s the lesson in this?” The quickest most logical answer to me was “Life is Short”.
Duh, I know that though. I’ve always said that. It’s the reason I have been trying to change my perspective and mindset about many things. So why would that be something I would take away from this event?
Maybe it’s something else? I’m still not completely sure because I still haven’t figured it out.
However, I know my ideas about life being short and what I plan to do with how I value life has probably shifted a bit. To what? I don’t have an answer for that either. I know people come out of accidents or any tragic moments with an epiphany of some sort. They either have a downward spiral or live the best life going forward. I know that I feel different and I feel like there should be something that I take away from my experience. I’ve done so much self-reflection since the accident, just trying to make anything make sense to me and how I just go about life going forward and I keep coming back to the same phrase that “life is short”.
It’s only been 3 weeks, I’m still in pain, and still don’t have much clue as to what my takeaway is from this experience.
What I have noticed though. . . I’m more cautious of other drivers and jumpy while in a car. I also would rather not drive now. This is odd. I normally would prefer to drive because I trusted my driving better than others. Things that would normally aggravate me, irritate me, or put me in the worst mood- don’t phase me much. I’ve just started to ignore the annoying things that happen at my job and in life in general. I notice I have no real urge to prove my point or argue with others. I just want peace.
Maybe this is the start of me releasing control? Not sure. What I am sure about though. . . Life is short.