For The Mama’s

by | Feb 10, 2024

This one is for all the mamas! I’m sure I mention it often, but I am a young mom. I of course don’t get it right all the time because of not only that but. . .it’s also my first time being a mom.

So let’s talk a little about motherhood for a second. It hasn’t been a bad journey, but baby has it been a journey. It looks so different for everyone. Mind you, I have been flying by the seat of my pants for years of course. So maybe that’s why I don’t think I have ever really experienced mom guilt in all my many years of being a mom (A literal decade!). I do sometimes wonder if that makes me a bad mom because I don’t get all worked up about some of the things my friends or other moms have run into. I don’t know if it is because I was a teen mom and was nonchalant about some things. I wasn’t neglectful but just that I believed some things didn’t have to be taken so seriously. Like believing that my kid will be okay without my presence for a few hours and never feeling bad about going out with a friend on the weekend.

Let me pause here and make it very clear, if you care about the things I don’t, that is so fine! If you find yourself agreeing with me, also totally fine! Our differences in how we choose to parent do not back any of us better than or worse than the next person. I do believe that we are the exact momma for our babies, and they are the exact babies for us. Everyone parents based on their own experiences and there is no rule book on how to do it. Except, please don’t abuse your children but take care of them and love them.

Anyway, not until recently, as my little baby is getting older (he’s 10 now) and has been doing so much better with expressing himself to me, have I experienced this mommy guilt.

I would say in the beginning of my motherhood journey I did often feel bad about bringing him into the world in a broken home, if that makes any sense. A teen mom, no father figure in the home, etc, etc. The usual things any single parent has running through their mind that hold them captive. However, even with that, I have always been determined that my kid will still have the best childhood even with me being a young single teen mom. I was not about to let this start to our family be a reason for him not being able to have a good life. If he wants to do a sport, he does it. If he wants to join a club, he does it. This child does it all, and I make sure he gets there, even with me running a business, working full time, leading groups, and at 2 separate points; going to school full time. Even with us being that busy I always made time to do little dates with just the 2 of us, let him go to playdates, birthday parties, and sleepovers, and planned some small vacations for us. I believe that he should have an even better childhood than I did and being a single parent shouldn’t stop that from happening. I’m gon’ make “sum shake”!

I have another friend who feels the same and I must say we do a dang good job at this. I also see a lot of the people (men and women) that I went to school doing this with their own growing families. Rather alone or with their partners. These kids out here are happy and living their best lives!

Well, like I mentioned, recently I was feeling a little more on the negative side about my parenting. . .. Let me tell you what happened.

About 2 weeks ago we were at our first Boy Scouts meeting, and they were having a campout that upcoming weekend. Of course, my son wanted to go! Well, he couldn’t. Reason why?

Because I said so.

Other reasons. . .

“I don’t know these people, we just got here”

“They said no parents so who would be with you if something goes wrong?”

“It’s 3 days?!”

“It’s January and the temps at night are supposed to be 30 or below.”

“You just got braces; you can’t eat half of that stuff they are taking.”

“How are you supposed to brush your teeth after each meal.”

“I DO NOT KNOW THESE PEOPLE.” And any other thing that popped into my head about raising a little black boy and I can’t be there to protect him from anything related to racism.

Of course, everyone there was very encouraging in saying he would be fine, the place belonged to an older cop, and a friend of his was going. His mom who is a super sweet friend to me, reminded me it was okay to “release the reins”. As they were talking to me, I was holding back all the tears that were trying to push to the surface. I was so scared I can’t even express how scared I was in words.

We got in the car, and he started crying expressing himself in the most respectful way I have ever seen him do. He told me “I really want to go. Everyone here has gone on at least one camp out and I haven’t been to one. I feel like I don’t know as much about scouting as they do, and I’ve been doing it for years. I feel like an outcast.”

Cue breakdown from Mama. I tried not to be emotional in front of him, but I was already holding everything in. Was I getting in the way of him being confident in making friends and also being a part of groups, he asked to be in? Am I holding him back from succeeding in this area?

Here I am thinking I had been doing my big one with raising this kid! And he feels this way. I cried for a day about it and talked to my mom. Some of the things she has said to me I realize I have also repeated to some of my friends when they seem to be struggling with some mom guilt. She was very encouraging even though she didn’t go into a big, long spill. She reminded me that sometimes mom guilt happens because our baby isn’t getting their way and we as a parent are feeling bad about it. In that moment and for the next day I had to have a come to Jesus’ meeting with myself.

This is what I had to remind myself and what I want to remind you:

  • You are the parent (they don’t make the decision, it’s you and they will be fine).
  • You are your kid’s biggest protector and defender.
  • You know what is best for them even when they don’t. So, trust your gut.

How many times has your mom told you something growing up, you ignored it, and she was right?

  • They will understand later in life.

I also reminded myself of all the things I love about my motherhood journey.

  • We laugh about everything.
  • He is so much fun to be around and at this moment he also enjoys being around me.
  • I’m a millennial mom so as I’m sure you see on TikTok, I literally can’t take anything seriously (I mean some things, but everything is still hilarious to me & unfortunately I sometimes irritate my kid)
  • He tells me everything. He is so open that he actually TRUSTS me with his feelings and thoughts.
  • I allow him to express himself and that’s something I’ve taken from my parents (they allowed me to do that too).
  • We have our own traditions for certain holidays, and he seems to enjoy them.
  • I’m a mom that apologizes and I’m proud of that.
  • My baby knows that he can run to me for anything, and I’ll fight for him.

Things I want to work on.

  • I yell sometimes (more often than I’d like to admit)
  • I don’t always have the patience for things.
  • I rush all the time, and I’m positive it’s annoying
  • Wearing my emotions on my sleeves around him.
  • Mama sometimes has a potty mouth.
  • Being more intentional about spending time with him doing the things HE ENJOYS.
  • Asking for help when I need it from other adults (it holds him back in some areas when I don’t)

I have never thought of myself as a helicopter mom. When I heard helicopter mom, it was more of a negative thing to me as I was growing up. The feeling was that your parent was with you all the time and all up in your business. By definition, a helicopter parent is a parent who is overattentive and overly fearful of their child’s experiences outside of the home. After this new revelation and this experience a few weeks ago, I am okay with being considered a “helicopter parent”, because, in reality, it’s just a parent who cares. However, I don’t want to sike myself out too much about the things I can’t control. When he goes to school, I can’t be there and there is a possibility that kids may be mean. When he gets older and gets his first job, he will deal with conflict in the workplace, and I can’t fight for him. As his mom, all I can do is continue to care for him, love him, and teach him the tools that he needs in life.

This is just 1 very small part of parenting/motherhood for me. I could go on and on about so many different experiences and how different my parenting is from the next person and blah blah blah.

This post is just to encourage all my mamas out there. I really needed the encouragement myself, so I figured why not uplift others around me? You aren’t alone and it’s okay if right now you are having more bad days than good ones. This season is just a hump in the road. This too shall pass! You are doing a great job, and NOBODY can do it better than you for your kid(s).

Take some time today to remind yourself of how proud you are of yourself in your motherhood journey. I’m sure you’ll find some amazing things about yourself and how you parent. Sure, there are some things we can all work on, write those things down too. Remember not to beat yourself up about it though.

Don’t be afraid to talk to your mommy friend and tell her how you’ve been feeling defeated or how one of your kids hurt your feelings, or even if you simply feel like you aren’t getting it right. You are not supposed to do life alone, so please reach out for help or just some words of wisdom. Find your people and start doing life with them! Don’t be afraid to uplift the girlfriends in your life who are moms either. If you’re up to it, I’m sure they’d love to just talk or hear that they are doing amazing at their most important job. Be gentle with yourself, and the other moms around you. You never know what the next person is dealing with on top of having to be a parent. Just be nice.

As always, walk with me and I’ll walk with you 😉

Pachion Moore

Pachion Moore

As a young single mom myself, I have faced many challenges and have overcame many hurdles. All in attempts to better my life and live the life I envision for myself. That’s also what I want for you. My passion and goal, is to help other people take the steps toward crushing their obstacles to get to the success they dream of. I will walk along side you as an accountability partner and help you set goals and then work towards them. Rather it be your health, career goals, or relationships with others, I will help you become your better you.

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